tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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