i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
