her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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