Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
