found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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