I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
