Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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