Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
