if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sober January is a disaster.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
