If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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