I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
