Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
