What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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