How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
