He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
