All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
