Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
