chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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