You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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