Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
