I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
