she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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