yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
