That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
