yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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