I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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