This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
