I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
