Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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