He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
