I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
