You're earring is so big in my mouth
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
