I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
