I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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