glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
