Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I enjoy the company of your penis
There's even glitter on my cock...
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