hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
