My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
