Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
