THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
