Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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