So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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