Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
what day is it and did you see me today?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
