I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
