remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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