I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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