Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
