He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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