I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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