So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
