you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
