Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
