for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
