we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
